I wanted to share what has been happening in my life recently! Where to begin? Let's go back to 2006. David and I have been given blessings upon blessings. We have a beautiful home, a beautiful marriage, a three yr old daughter and a 1 yr old son. We love Alabama, called the Bible belt and feel comforted by its southern hospitalities! Children are taught to say yes sir and yes ma'am. People are friendly! Neighbors chit chat and it is hard not to pick up the southern accent. Even with the humidity, hurricanes, banana spiders, green frogs under door handles, and lack of extended family close by, we feel content! Now the question is why? Was it because I was closer to God? Not necessarily! I actually feel closer to God at this time than I ever have in my life. Was it because of all the blessings bestowed on me? A beautiful family? When I met my husband I was filled with more joy that I could have imagined! "A cheerful heart is good medicine"(Proverbs 17:22) He was my good medicine. I'll tell you about life up to the point of meeting David another day! When I had my first child Judianna, I finally knew what unconditional love was. She changed me in so many ways for the better! I became a mother at age 20 and I wouldn't change it for anything. She is responsible for me become a women. God knew what I needed and He provides in perfect timing. Tell you about that another day too! Was I happier because of the ability to live comfortably? Nice house, which we paid 83,000 for! No, because I can remember being upset when we were taking wall paper down! Oh but to look back and remember the joys of that house. The thought makes my heart hurt!
So in 2006, David's Navy base is scheduled to close. I believe this should have been an indicator of an declining economy. He has till the end of 2006 before his enlistment is up or he can request early out because of the situation. At this time, we are feeling a strong pull back to southwest. I'll give you our reason. He has served seven years. 1st half was deployment, 2nd half shore duty. After shore duty you will have to go back to a ship for another 4 yrs. We had been there, done that, and it wasn't fun. Doors were opening in New Mexico and closing in Alabama. Hence here we are!
This is were the story begins. The past 3 years have been vividly played out in my mind but at the same time a blur. 2006 was the beginning of my rough year and the beginning of my restoration. When we came back to New Mexico, lots of doors had been opened alright! Pandora's Box! All the stuff I had pushed aside from growing up here and family issues came rushing in like wild elephants, robbing my joy in the process. I was an emotional wreck. I had a baby, no house, no job, no support, no stiblity. My life was upside down!
At this time the housing market is sky high. Just to have something comparable to my house in AL, I was looking at 200,000. Big jump from our first buy! After leaving in-laws, with much heartache, we bought a fixer upper. It's all we could afford. For some reason renting was not an option for us. I guess we were trying to recreate what we left behind in Alabama. This reality was night and day though! I wish we would have taken pictures of this house before we started, but I dont think we wanted to remember the conditions out of pride.
2009, is when I got my life back! You see, I was miserable for 3 yrs. I have been a walking zombie! A prisoner in my own body! I allowed Satan to take away my joy. But guess what, I'm now learning that my joy comes from my precious Savoir. I have been broken down to shambles, to the point that there was no way for me to succeed on my own. My God wants better for me! When I was done feeling sorry for myself, God revealed to me that all the pain had been for a reason. I can look back and see how God has used these circumstances to pull me back to him. Our joy in Alabama was a blessing and our pain here is too! Eventhough I remince of how happy we were in Alabama, I'm happy to be here! I'm starting to love my house. It's no where near done and in a constant state of remolding. My husband has a great job which provides for us adequately. Our children are growing beautifully! Judianna has accepted Christ and has been baptized. Abram told me the other day he wants our house in Heaven. I guess It can't be that bad then! We have found a church that requires us to be involved, as it should. It's not a church full of lavish means but the word of God is there and convicts me most Sundays. I have met wonderful christian women and have made lasting friendships. Something I had wished for and never had. I'm in my bible everyday because of its healing powers. God's word speaks to me, God tells me the truth, God never leaves me, God always forgives! What I'm trying to say is, everything in Alabama was peachy! Everything in NM has not been so sweet! Am I a better person today though? Am I happier? Where does my joy come from now?
In closing I will rejoice in my restoration! I have found a new joy that has only been from reading God's word. He has filled me up! 2009, is the year of truth. The get down to the stuff, that really matters, year. I pray I never go back to the misery I allowed. Yes, I allowed! I hope that my story will remind you that happiness is a choice. It's were we put our focus. Paul's writings have spoken to me.
(2 corinthains 12: 9-10) " But he said to me, " my grace is suffiecent for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weakness, so that Christ's power rest in me. That is why, for Christ's sake I delight in weakness, in insult, in hardship, in persecution, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
Thank you my Precious Redeemer for how you have made me weak so that through you I can be strong again! Amen